1. To be brave and to always follow your fears.
Life shrinks or expands in proportion to one’s courage
If you weren’t afraid of anything, what would you do?
With courage, you are given the power to do anything in the world. We
hold ourselves back so much because of fear. I’ve known so many women who have immense potential and power within them, but they don’t do
what they’ve always wanted to do or needed to do because they’re too
afraid. So they’re stuck in this loop, this cage, where they stay
stagnant and they keep inhibiting themselves with their fears. And all I
want to do is to help them and pull them out of it, but the only way to
do it is if they get out of that loop themselves. You have to realize
it for yourself. At the other end of fear is always freedom. On that
other side, a whole realm of possibilities awaits you.
If we were to face and conquer all these fears we have, can you
imagine how liberated and blissful you would feel after? Face your fears
and be free from it. Start today. Do something that scares you. You
could start with something small like randomly talking to a stranger, to
screaming in public randomly, to cliff jumping, to sky diving, swimming
with whale sharks, to spontaneously traveling to a city or country
you’ve never been to. As you conquer each bigger fear one by one you are
allowing yourself to grow and to be free. Liberation from your fears is
the most power kind of liberation there is.
2. You’re much stronger than you know.
We either make ourselves miserable, or we make ourselves strong. The amount of work is the same.
Even when you’re crying on the floor begging the gods for mercy. Even
when your heart is broken open, vulnerable, weak, and people are
waiting to take an aim for it. Even when everything seems bleak and dim.
Even when you feel weak and you feel like giving up on life. Even when
you feel like you’re caving into yourself. You are much stronger. Much
much stronger, than you will ever realize. I know this because I have
been at my absolute weakest, ready to give up on my life. And somehow, I
found the strength.
If I can do that at my rock bottom then I believe within every cell of
me that anyone, most especially any woman, can find strength in them.
And this is why I will always hold on to this truth. Physically,
emotionally, mentally, spiritually… we are much stronger than we will
ever know. Every single of one of us darling, every single one.
3. Never let a man define you.
Plant your own garden and decorate your own soul, instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
Never let a man take charge of your happiness. Never rely on a man
for happiness. Never let a man, or anyone else define you or anyone for
that matter. You don’t need a man to be happy. You are in charge of your
own happiness. Don’t get me wrong, being in love is a beautiful thing. Loving each other is one of the greatest things
in the world. But a lot of women, tend to rely on their man, on their
love, for their happiness. Don’t get attached, don’t need, don’t be
dependent. You tend to lose yourself when you do that. When you lose
yourself, you lose focus, you tend to lose your ambitions, you lose
track of your path and put your dreams on hold. You can still certainly
love someone without having them define you, without needing each other
so badly you can’t live without each other. Women need to find happiness
within themselves on their own, before they choose to truly love
another.
4. Whatever judgments you impose on other people, most especially other women, is a reflection of yourself.
If you judge people, you have no time to love them.
Even if you think that they are truly flawed, even if they did you
wrong, whatever you judgements you make of a person is a reflection of
yourself. I get how this is a hard pill to swallow, because
automatically our brain says well clearly this person is doing something
wrong, or they have flaws, how can that be a reflection of myself? In
reality, that judgement you made of them says more about who you are
than them. The more we choose to see people through their flaws, the
more it reflects our own. Instead, we should always choose to see the
good in them. Again, no matter how much they are wrong, no matter how
much their traits bother us, no matter how flawed we think they are, it
doesn’t matter. It takes a lot of practice and awareness to do it, I had
to keep re-learning this myself. But we should practice on keep other
people’s negative traits to ourselves and focus on speaking of the good
we see in them. When you choose to always see the good in people, their
bad somehow melts away. When you start to believe that they are good,
they too, will believe it as well and will choose to be the good that
you see in them.
5. To meditate.
Then I meditated for an hour of bone-tingling stillness until I
finally felt it again – that specific, constant, clear-sky,
unrelated-to-anything, never-shifting, nameless and changeless
perfection of my own happiness.
Meditation has completely shifted my life and made me a better woman.
It’s tough to do it in the beginning because we’ve been accustomed to
this monkey thinking pattern that we’ve had our whole lives. I couldn’t
even meditate for 10 seconds, thoughts kept popping in and it was so
difficult to have a clear mind. But when I focused more on my breathing,
literally focusing on my inhales and exhales, suddenly everything was
clear. Because of meditation my depression was gone, I became much less
anxious, and I wasn’t that fearful, pessimistic person who was easily
bothered by things. Now I sit or lay down to meditate at least three
times a day. I do this for everything, to visualize my dreams, to clear
negative thoughts and emotions, to connect with the source, to connect
with my inner self. You can do this through cloud gazing, star gazing,
through prayers, through running, and just by being in the moment. There
are many forms of meditations. As you get deeper into it you will feel
the oneness that connects us all to each other, to the Earth, to the
Universe. And you’ll be happier, more loving, more positive, complete
and at peace with yourself and everything that surrounds you.
6. Dream big.
If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.
What’s the point in playing small? In working for other people and
their dreams? We should always aim to fulfill our wildest and biggest
dreams. We are given this beautiful life to live, we should use
everything we have to make our biggest dreams happen. Do something
everyday, even if it’s something small that could get you there, these
small steps are what will make your dreams come alive. They’re little
pieces to the bigger puzzle, if you keep making the effort to piece it
all together then one day your dreams will unfold. It takes a lot of
hard work, patience, persistence, and trusting the universe. If you
believe in visualize your dreams and believe in it with every cell of
you, it will manifest.
7. Travel& explore as much as you possibly can, especially on your own.
Travel is never a matter of money but of courage.
We were born wanderers.
It’s in our nature to explore and see the world as much as we possibly
can. There’s this insatiable wanderlust within all of us that will not
get satisfied until we get out there and see the world. It’s common for
people to recite a list of reasons as to why women shouldn’t travel,
most especially alone. These reasons are mostly fears and doubts that
they have on themselves. Don’t listen to them. These people are usually
the ones who have never even been out of the country or truly traveled
themselves. The truth is, I have met more solo traveling women than men
on the road. Once you get out in the backpacking world, it’s not
uncommon at all. It’s only dangerous and scary if you choose to see it
that way. Be careful, follow your intuition, be open to experiences if
it feels right, if it feels wrong don’t do it. Simple as that.
Everything lies in perception, especially when you’re traveling. Radiate
good vibes, follow your intuition, be brave, and keep a sunny
disposition and you will attract the same kind of energy, people, and
experiences.
So what are you waiting for? Buy the world is waiting.
8. Be kind.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle.
The smallest acts of kindness has the power to change someone’s life. Whether it’s from holding a door for someone, or paying
for their coffee, or giving them a genuine smile, or giving random
strangers high fives while you’re running, it could dramatically change
their entire day in an instant and light up their world. Show other
people that you’re human, that we’re not robots. We’re human beings born
out of love, with a lot more to give. Even when people are being
difficult, that’s when you should be the most kind to them. Kill them
with kindness.
9. Let things go.
Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
It’s easy to latch on to things, to grudges, to emotions, to
thoughts, to pain, to anger. It’s easy to do that because we’ve been
accustomed to it and our egos like to cling onto things that cause us
pain and suffering. But in reality, things are so much easier when we
let it go. When that driver cuts us off, instead of cursing him, his
mom, and his family, maybe you should take a deep breath instead, wish
him safety, and smile. Whatever grudges you have with friends or exes,
even if we don’t talk to them anymore, we can forgive them in our
hearts. So that when we see them, there is no heavy weight, only good
wishes and love sent.
10. Always get out of your comfort zone.
You can never cross the ocean until you have the courage to lose sight of the shore
Comfort zones keep you in a loop. In a space where everything you’ve
always wanted to do is out of reach, there’s always excuses, there’s
always what ifs, there’s always fear and doubts keeping the bubble
together. And it’s keeping you in. Do you want to stay in the bubble
forever? No? Good. In order to do so you’d have to take action and
prepare yourself for growth. Life is all about growth, if we continue to
stay in our comfort zone then we’ll never grow. But if you always
choose to get out of your comfort zones, your are opening yourself up to
infinite possibilities that could benefit your inner growth and your
life.
11. You are a beautiful goddess.
The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known
defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found
their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a
sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with
compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do
not just happen.
Your value as a human being is not measured through the numbers on a
weighing scale, or how big the gap is between your thighs, or how
visible your ribcage is. These are all lies that society and media has
made to make money through objectifying women. It is their job to sell
people “beauty”, and their definition of beauty is usually in the form
of Photoshop, airbrushing, and starvation to look the part. Nobody
really looks like that on a regular day. Embrace your weirdness, your
quirks, your flaws, and your imperfections. All of which makes you
beautiful and perfectly you. Perception is everything. No matter how
old, how big, how skinny, how tall, how short you are… if you always
choose to see the beautiful parts of you and if you always have good
thoughts about yourself, you will always look beautiful.
12. How to be alone.
But lonely is a freedom that breaths easy and weightless and lonely is healing if you make it.
I can’t stress this enough. Learn how to be alone without the need to
have people constantly around you, without constantly chatting with
people over the phone, without the need for validating yourself through
others. Just learn how to be by yourself. Walk, hike, swim, run, laugh,
sit, stand, travel by yourself. Being alone will cleanse you, recharge
you and strengthen you.
13. Stop following “timelines” or “milestones”.
You must give up the life you planned in order to have the life that is waiting for you.
Get married in your mid 20s, buy a house in your late 20s, have a
baby in your late 20s and early 30s, and the timeline moves along.
That’s what they say right? The reality is you don’t have to get
married, you don’t even have to have a baby if you truly don’t want to.
Before I explain this any further, please know that I am not against any
of these. Because I would love to have at least one child one day and
if I, one day, decide that marriage is for me it would be because I
found the right one who I connect with in all levels. Spiritually,
emotionally, physically, mentally, everything. And more importantly,
that it feels right to me. To my heart. To my soul. My point is, it’s
very important to listen to what you inner voice is telling you. And if
it’s telling you that kids aren’t for you, that marriage isn’t for you,
listen to it. You are probably meant for a different path in life, one
that stays true to your purpose here on this planet. Don’t get married
because your parents want you to, or because you’re in a long-term
relationship and you might as well tie the knot, or have a baby because
you’re a woman and that’s what you’re suppose to do, or because you’ve
hit that “milestone” and you feel like you need to, or because you need a
man to make you happy, or because your peers are all getting married
and you don’t want to be left out. You don’t have to hit these societal
milestones and timelines and you sure don’t have to plan your life
around it most especially if you don’t want to. Create your own life.
14. It’s better to spend your money on experiences, not things.
The things you own end up owning you. It’s only after you lose everything that you’re free to do anything.
Things. All these things. Things you don’t even need and it’s ridiculous how people become slaves to these things. Let’s
weight it all out. Would you rather have a brand new Louis Vuitton
purse that costs a few grand? Or use that to buy a ticket and travel the
world? It’s just a purse. I mean it’s cool to put stuff in, that’s what
it’s for. But you can also buy a purse in Bali. And whatever profit you
made from selling that Louis Vuitton will pay for your ticket, your
whole trip, and your new purse. Not to mention the priceless adventures
you’ll have and all the amazing people you’ll meet. Spending your money
on experiences will make you happier in the long run than spending it
on stuff. Get rid of all that stuff and you’ll feel lighter.
Strip down to the basic needs and you’ll laugh and find that it’s all
you should really have. And you’ll be free to wander freely around the
world, how amazing would that be?
15. Forgive yourself.
You have to forgive yourself, everyday, whenever you remember a
shortcoming, a flaw, you have to tell yourself ‘That’s just fine’. You
have to forgive yourself so much, until you don’t even see those things
anymore. Because that’s what love is like.
It’s time to forgive yourself. For everything. For everything you’ve
done that you feel horrible for. For all the burdens you still carry
inside of you. For the past. For everything. Forgive yourself darling,
just forgive yourself.
16. Love yourself.
As I began to love myself I freed myself of anything that is no
good for my health – food, people, things, situations, and everything
that drew me down and away from myself. At first I called this attitude a
healthy egoism. Today I know it is Love of Oneself.
It’s the most important and selfless thing you can ever do. When you
love yourself, you no longer feel the need to validate yourself through
others. When you love yourself, you don’t need other people to make you
happy. You may still feel sadness but you will always feel whole. You
will always have that innate constant love and happiness that you feel
for yourself. The void is no longer there, it is filled. And when it is
filled, you want to share that love with others. To your lover, to your
family, to your friends, to strangers, to people you brush up against in
a crowd, to people across the world you haven’t even met. That kind of
love is endless. It knows no bounds, no need, no ego, no attachment.
It’s infinite. Love yourself so much so that the love will spread and
radiate through everything you touch and every presence you grace
through. Love yourself so much that you become selfless.
When a woman rises up in glory, her energy is magnetic and her sense of possibility contagious.
